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Weekend Forecast: [26 Sep 2007|07:44pm]

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[22 Aug 2005|09:39pm]


Found in a store in Universal Citywalk. It shoots out string.
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[15 Aug 2005|10:28am]

Toivo was kind enough to show me this, I pass on the link. LOOK AT IT!

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[10 Mar 2005|11:28am]

Read more...Collapse )
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Voodoo Dick Joke [27 Jan 2005|06:55pm]

Alright, this joke has been hidden away from mankind for TOO long! I shall tell a joke that pretains to wang in such a great way, you'll piss yourself.

The Voodoo Dick

A Businessman has a wife. a VERY HORNY wife that he can hardly keep under control. He's going on a business trip, so he needs something to keep his wife under control. So off he goes to the local Adult World/Smut Shop/ ect ect to find the most insane dildo he can find.

He steps into the shop and asks the shopkeep what he has. The owner shows him a variety of plastic, rubber, steel, and glass shlongs, all ranging from a modest 6 inches to a monster 2 footer. He turns them all away, and asks what the most extreme thing he has is. The owner shows him even more extravagant dildos, but he isn't satisfied by any (Heh, joke within a joke). So the owner says that he has something he normally doesn't show people, but he lifts up a floorboard anyway, and pulls out a 2 foot long wooden box.

Intreagued, the man asks, "WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THERE???". Quick to answer, the shop owner opens the box, and reveals a foot long wooden Schlong (I'm a freakin poet). The extravagant wang of a massterpiece is covered in odd markings, and has many carved emblems within in. So here's how the dialogue does:

"Voodoo Dick" The keep calmly replies
"What the hell is a voodoo dick?"

Suddenly the wooden phallus jumps from the box and changes shape and size ro insert itself into the keyhole of the door.....Over and over again. The man is astonished.

"But be careful, don't forget how to put it back. VOODOO DICK, THE BOX!"

The ebony cock jumps into the box, returning to it's normal size. The man is quick the buy the miracle of self-pleasuring devices, regardless of its 300 dollar price tag. he takes it home to his wife, and is quick to show her the same trick the shopkeep showed him with the door. Needless to say, she likes it.

A few weeks after the man leaves for his trip, the wife gets interested in the cock of wood, and decides to try it out. With no clothes, and a triumphant roar, she screams, "VOODOO DICK, MY PUSSY!!!!". The wooden penis goes crazy, and attacks its willing participant without stop. before long, the wife is tired, and she wants it to stop, but she forgets how to make it stop. Frantically, she puts some clothes on, and runs to the car to make her way to the Emergency room.

On the way to the hospital, this voodoo dick is still firing away to do it's duty, and the woman is swerving all over the road from the pain...or repeating orgasms.....or pain. either way, she gets pulled over by a cop. Dialougue:

"You were doing a little swervin' back there. Mind telling me what that was all about?"
"I'm sorry officer, it's just this voodoo dick."
"Voodoo dick? what are you talkin' about?"

The woman explains her story. The cop says:

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[03 Oct 2004|02:41am]

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[21 Jul 2004|11:26am]

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[02 Jun 2004|01:13pm]

Anyone from Massachusetts?

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aloha-hola! [21 Mar 2004|12:06am]
[ mood | fufilled ]

I caught sight of this community on some random person's interest list, and it was so compelling that I joined X3 It's wang. Feels like my life is more complete. I love wang <3

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[03 Oct 2003|01:20pm]

well... im still loving the wang, how about you guys?
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:) :) :) :) [09 Apr 2003|11:44pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Hahaha. I don't know how he walks around at a con like that.

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[05 Mar 2003|11:46am]

Wang Hangers
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Satanist Cock! [09 Feb 2003|08:50pm]

[ mood | evil! ]

Simon: "MINIMUM EQUIPMENT FOR WORSHIP: Varies with the type of ritual performed but is likely to include a black robe, an altar, the symbol of the Baphomet (Satan), candles, a bell, a chalice, elixir (wine or some other drink most pleasing to the palate), a sword, a model phallus, a gong, and parchment."

Liana: a.... model phallus???

Simon: *nods* "WORSHIP REQUIREMENTS: Worship in the Church of Satan is based upon the belief that man needs ritual, dogma, fantasy, and enchantment. Worship consists of magical rituals and there are three basic kinds: sexual rituals, to fulfill a desire; compassionate rituals, to help another; and destructive rituals, used for anger, annoyance, or hate."

Liana: *laughs* model phallus...

Simon: Well, it could be vital, in the right situation. You never know,

Liana: *rolls around laughing*

Simon: Laugh now, but when you find yourself in desperate need of a phallus you'll be eating your words,

Liana: *dies of laughter*

Simon: *grins and hugs* I shall have to have a bit of a search for when exactly a phalus is needed in ritual conduct, and for what purpose...could be a novelty candle snuffer
I'll have to start carrying a bag with me,
And really, at what point would you broach that in conversation, "Pardon me, but could I borrow that?"
Its all a matter of ettiquette

Liana: *laughs*
you could just yell "hey! I want your cock!"

Simon: "A phallic symbol is used to perform a benediction, and really anything that suits the tastes of the celebrant and congregation will dofrom an abstract cylindrical phallus to an outrageously graphic dildo."
Jeebus! I dont even want to know what that is,
A strange image indeed, "Quick! Guests! Cover the pentagrams! Put that phalus away!"

Liana: Oh my goodness...
Liana: Benediction = Blessing by the way
Liana: *cackles* cockslapping... "Be HEALED My son!"

Simon: Well, thank you, I admit to ignorance there, and a moment of Lock Stock style humour then, I see. "He promplty beat him to death with the nearest object, which happend to be an 18 inch black rubber cock"

Liana: *grins* truly blessed

Simon: Its like the "enlightenment" joke we have, why catholic choir boys all have center partings, for they are "good boys" and the motion of praying hands stroking outwards...

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note: this is porny [28 Jan 2003|04:57pm]

[ mood | amused ]

i recently joined a really hilarious LOTR community called grimas_cum_rag and someone posted this picture of lurtz.... oh gooodddd o.o cocktastic and disturbing :P


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gahahaha [26 Oct 2002|01:29pm]

this is related to wang...
one of my lj friends posted THIS

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not wang but close enough [23 Oct 2002|02:41am]

[ mood | amused ]


if anyones seen the yatta commercial type thing with yatta on all those products
this is like.. the real yatta music video with insane dancing japanese men wearing leaves. its great!!!! (i think liana and liz have heard of this dont know which they saw tho lol)

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AHHHHHHH [06 Oct 2002|04:47am]




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> [29 Sep 2002|12:50pm]

and of course i forgot to say the title in my excitement...

The Pillow Book
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a wangtastic good time [29 Sep 2002|03:03am]

[ mood | woah ]

a very amazing and fucked up movie, with heaploads of wang (not the reason why its so good) but liana/liz RENT IT! OMG. contact me if you want details :P... woah.. i must have it

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Who want's some cock lunch? [21 Aug 2002|04:37pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Hahahahaa, Cock Gummi(scanned by me XD).

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